The Art Of Orkutting——————- Part 1

Eating,drinking,sleeping,fighting,fuc*ing er reproducing have always been the primary activities of man (feminists please read it as a neuter gender) that he need not be taught. An activity which is running as a front-runner for exclusion in this list is

Orkutting

Is it related to Orkut? Those of you who do not know what the hell is Orkut better go to this link and in a week you will be seen patrolling whatever computing facilities you can lay your hand on to have a peek on a blue screen with weird people laughing at you(who are being forced to laugh) with 2 magical bars to enter your id and password. You key them in and haloa you are in your world.

For those who know about Orkut let’s move on

 

The basic overview of the Art

 

1. History :

In this section we will be tracing the rise and the culture that built up on Orkutting. How the whole concept of Orkutting arose and the various phases it has gone through which include:

i . Having 0 fans

ii. Having 50 fans

iii. Having 20000 scraps

iv. Joining more communities than the friends you have and there is a growth competition between the 2 rates.

v. Starting with a fresh account.

 

We will discuss it later.

 

2. Economic implications

Money pays and we will discuss the whole scenario monetarily. How does even a class 12 student save money for Orkutting, how online gifting occurs from boys to girls, how well blue-films make money and how does small things like your friend doesn’t pay for your “Single” at Tilak boil down to Orkutting?

 

3 . Social Impacts

Ever wondered how it will be if a common “Mess Chachu” becomes a “Michael Jackson”. we will take test cases and evaluate, all on the basis of Orkutting, how Orkutting can help you in English speaking, how it can help you in typing, how it will thus ensure better jobs based on your personal skills, how it will get you laid?

 

4 . Miscellaneous Impacts

Things to be discusses that I cannot think of right now. So watch out for the upcoming release of the talk which will be soon available to you only at http://bonii.wordpress.com/

 

 

Mayhem Unfurled

“Alcohol reduces your brain activity”

 

I got a first hand experience of the adage a few days back………..

 

Me, Shishir and Rohit had gone to HHH bar for a few drinks on the weekend. Over there I saw Arjun getting drunk on just a shot…… This guy goes high by just smelling alcohol.

 

Out there we drank till the bar closed down. How much I drank I will not specify lest I get classified as a novice or an expert drunkard.

 

At 12:30 at night,we were making our way back. At the gates the security asked us to stop and enter our names in the security register. I entered mine as C.V. Raman, Rohit was Ramanujan and Shishir was Albert Einstein, so much so for the hallowed security.

 

On the way back I could feel myself a lot light and was walking on thin air. Shishir had caught hold of junior and was giving him advices about the worldly ways. People always give advices and become caring about the world when they get drunk. I guess drinks should come with the tag-line,

 

“We care about the world”.

 

The junior was clearly having a bad time or one whale of a time.

 

Phase 1

 

In front of PGH or the girls hostel in our college I called up my girlfriend[let's call Miss X for the purpose of privacy ] and told her to come to the balcony of her room which faces the road though a bit far off. I stood under a lamp-post and started blowing kisses at Miss X. Now how does the lamp-post come in. Well I did it so that she could see me in the dark. What did not hit me at that time was that I was visible to the teachers residence right opposite the hostel. At that time Laws of light were that only Miss X could see me. Well Miss X got afraid and told me to move from there. I only budged from there when I got Miss X to come to the portico at the other end of the hostel which is just opposite to the road.

 

Phase 2

 

When she was out at the portico Rohit had a sudden urge to talk to his girlfriend, I told Miss X to go wake her up. Miss X was reluctant but then sentimental blackmail forced her on her way. So when she was back I was shouting at Miss X at one corner and Rohit at the other end. Don’t get me wrong. I was shouting because I felt I was speaking softly but actually according to decibel levels the whole hostel could hear me. I did not know how long I talked or what I talked. But soon I could see the watchman coming towards us. I caught Rohit’s shoulder and we walked away like the 2 most decent souls in this world.

 

Phase 3

 

The next day morning I had to make 5 phone calls to Miss X just with explanations how I got drunk and why. Then the bombshells landed about what I had said. The sumarised words are as follows:

 

Excerpt 1:

 

“Your friend Miss Y had danced very well at Hillffair(the fest in our college) at the Hamirpur grounds but the basta** Hamirpur people were so much I could not watch properly.” I also told her to call Miss Y whom I wanted to congratulate right then.

 

Dircrepancies:

 

1. Hillffair is not held in Hamirpur grounds but in the College ground.

 

2. Hamirpur folks do not come to watch it.

 

3. If I could not watch properly how do I know.

 

4.Miss Y was sleeping and it was 1:30 at night.

 

5. I had never talked to Miss Y in my life before

 

Excerpt 2:

 

I was blowing Miss X kisses non stop for 5 minutes and told her “She was looking beautiful and I will break the wall, jump from the road and come to the balcony”

 

Discrepancies:

 

1. She was standing in the dark and I could not actually see her, that part of memory is dark.

 

2. I cannot break a wall.

 

3. The balcony and the road are at a distance of 15 metres and is separated by a fall of 2 storeys.

 

4. I am not Tarzan.

 

5. I did not have a watch.

 

Excerpt 3:

 

Miss X told me “The watchman might come”. I replied valiantly and said “The watchman’s ******* I will bash him up”

Discrepancies:

 

1. I was seeing multiple images so that meant my hands would fly all around.

 

2. The watchman had sticks and had accomplices.

 

3. I want to finish my degree.

 

Well the other excerpts are cut out as per Miss X’s edit instructions. There is one great thing about getting drunk and talking to your girlfriend. You do not have to try to speak from your heart, you actually do speak from your heart. All the things that accumulate in your heart do come out. It’s one whale of a time and worth having. It’s about living life without inhibitions.

 

Knock knock, I am not drunk right now. So let’s cut the crap. I came back to the hostel played imaginary football prevented Rohit from going to take a cold water bath at 2 o cloak at night and went to sleep.

 

It was mayhem and the next day hangover and explanation sessions to Miss X were even worse

 

Ciaooooooo!!!!!!!!!!